[ { "n": 1, "short": "Naming it", "title": "Naming It", "tagline": "What it is and what it isn't", "parts": [ "Facts and research", "Ulrika's story" ], "intro": "You love your child. Your child says they don't want to see you any more, and you have started to wonder if it is your fault. The first part covers the definition researchers use, the difference from a child who has good reasons to keep their distance, and the four dials that decide what happens in a family. One of them is yours. In the second part, Ulrika Ekenberg tells her own story.", "people": [ [ "Sverker Sikström", "Professor and researcher, Lund University" ], [ "Ulrika Ekenberg", "Affected mother, author of Excludere" ], [ "Elisabeth Hetlem", "President, Foreningen Mot Psykisk Vold" ] ], "tonight": [ "Write down three events from the past month with the date, what was said and by whom, and avoid interpreting them.", "Read the list of five behaviours once more and be honest: which of them have you done yourself in a bad moment?", "Tell one person you trust that you have started watching the course. You don't need to tell them the whole story." ] }, { "n": 2, "short": "The child", "title": "What Happens Inside the Child", "tagline": "What the child goes through and why logic doesn't help", "parts": [ "The child's story", "The experts on the child" ], "intro": "You say \"I love you\" to your child, and the child looks away. In the first part, Cecilie Ramstad tells what it was like to be that child herself. In the second part, the experts explain the roles a child gets pulled into, how rewards and punishments shape what the child says, and why the behaviour comes before the opinion. You will also learn why logic doesn't help and how you avoid adding fuel yourself.", "people": [ [ "Lena Hellblom Sjögren", "Licensed psychologist, PhD, forty years in the field" ], [ "Lill Stella Høslom", "Conversation therapist, psychosynthesis" ], [ "Cecilie Ramstad", "Affected as a child, shares her story" ] ], "tonight": [ "Next time the child says something unfair about you, try not to argue. Reply instead with one sentence that acknowledges the feeling without agreeing with the content.", "Find someone other than the child to share your grief with, like a friend, a therapist or a support line.", "Notice whether the child has stopped doing something they used to love, especially something that reminds them of you. It can be a sign that the child is shutting off parts of themselves to cope." ] }, { "n": 3, "short": "Yourself", "title": "Looking After Yourself", "tagline": "How you keep going so the child has someone to come back to", "parts": [ "Keeping yourself going", "Meeting your child" ], "intro": "Right now you cannot help your child directly, but you can look after yourself, and if you do it well, you help your child too. The research shows something that goes against gut feeling. In the long run, the relationship is damaged more by how the affected parent reacts than by the attempts to cut the child off. The first part covers the difference between affect and crisis, sleep, body and network, and the four traps. In the second part, Elisabeth Hetlem talks about how to meet your child.", "people": [ [ "Elisabeth Hetlem", "President, Foreningen Mot Psykisk Vold" ] ], "tonight": [ "Set a bedtime for tonight and keep it, because sleep is the foundation for everything else you need the strength for.", "Call or text someone who makes you laugh, without talking about the hard part.", "Before the next difficult meeting, write down three goals that are only about what you yourself do, like staying calm, not starting any sentence with \"you\" and never interrupting." ] }, { "n": 4, "short": "The other parent", "title": "The Other Parent", "tagline": "How you communicate without the conflict growing", "parts": [], "intro": "You are sitting with the phone in your hand. A text has just wrecked the evening again, and you feel you have to answer now. This episode shows what works better, like the BIFF method for texts, where you keep the message brief, informative, friendly and firm, and how to validate without agreeing. It also goes through calibrated questions and the five pitfalls that make you look like the difficult one. The aim is to build trust, both with the child and with everyone who will later judge you both.", "people": [ [ "Anders Karlsson", "Föräldrastödsbyrån, the Parental Support Agency" ] ], "tonight": [ "Rewrite the last text you sent the other parent so that it is brief, informative, friendly and firm.", "Save every text you have received in the past month in a folder of its own, so the history exists if something is tested later, and try not to read them over and over.", "Is there a dispute about one concrete thing, like pick-ups, clothes or the schedule? Put it in a single sentence, for example \"We need to find an agreement about pick-ups\", and send it without adding anything more." ] }, { "n": 5, "short": "Reunion", "title": "Finding the Way Back", "tagline": "How a reunion tends to happen, and what helps", "parts": [ "The experts on reunion", "Cecilie finds her way back" ], "intro": "A reunion rarely happens in a single moment. It usually comes in small steps, with closeness and new distance, and trust needs time. In the first part, the experts go through what adult children who found their way back to a parent have told researchers about what helped. In the second part, Cecilie Ramstad tells how she found her way back to her father at the age of 48.", "people": [ [ "Lena Hellblom Sjögren", "Licensed psychologist, PhD" ], [ "Lill Stella Høslom", "Conversation therapist, psychosynthesis" ], [ "Cecilie Ramstad", "Affected as a child" ] ], "tonight": [ "Send your child a short text, for example \"Thinking of you. Love you. Mum\" or \"Dad\", without asking for a reply. Send a similar one next Sunday and the Sunday after that.", "Put your child's next birthday in your calendar with a reminder, so the day never passes unnoticed.", "Start keeping photos, letters and memories in one place, so there is something to come back to on the day your child gets in touch." ] }, { "n": 6, "short": "The world around", "title": "Social Services, School and the People Around You", "tagline": "How to be heard by social services and school, and find support around you", "parts": [ "Social services", "School", "Support from the people around you" ], "intro": "You have prepared for weeks, but twenty minutes into the meeting you realise that you are the one who comes across as the problem. The episode has three parts, on how to handle social services, what you are entitled to at school, and how to get support from the people around you.", "people": [ [ "Anders Karlsson", "Föräldrastödsbyrån, the Parental Support Agency" ], [ "Ulrika Ekenberg", "Affected mother, author of Excludere" ], [ "Julia Tsygan", "Nominated Teacher of the Year" ] ], "tonight": [ "Start a log where you write down the date, what happened and who was there. One sentence a day is enough, and you can start tonight with the past week.", "Email the school tonight with two sentences: \"I want to make sure I receive information about my child's schooling directly from you. Separate lines of contact for both parents would be appreciated.\"", "Ask someone close to you to read a short article about the pattern, and suggest you talk about it for fifteen minutes next week." ] }, { "n": 7, "short": "The organisations", "title": "The Organisations", "tagline": "What we have learned along the way, and how we can help each other", "parts": [], "intro": "VBU has been around for twenty years. In that time, parents who have stood in the middle of this themselves have answered the helpline and held evening meetings for other parents who need help. We have no ready answers, and in Sweden both the law and the authorities have a long way to go before they see what these children go through. This episode tells what we have tried, what has worked and what has not. We would like to work with organisations in other countries and learn from them. Only now have we started to talk about the work a little more loudly, and with some pride.", "people": [ [ "Peter Meurling", "President, VBU" ] ], "tonight": [ "Get in touch with a parent you know is in the same situation, or with an organisation in your country, and tell them you have seen the course.", "Send the course to someone who ought to understand this, like a teacher, a social worker or a grandmother.", "If there is no organisation where you live, you can write to info@vardnad.se. It takes four things to start, and none of them is hard." ] } ]